The curse of the SunDrop

It’s almost too unbearable to write about, but I feel I must share this with the world to perhaps spare some other poor soul from the torment: The body is physically unable to process SunDrop without a gall bladder.

Sad, but an undeniable fact.

To those of you that are unaware of the existence of said soft drink, apparently you’re missing out. I first learned of this liquid gold from an old friend from Wisconsin. He spoke of SunDrop like a Costa Rican speaks of coffee, or the Swiss speak of chocolate. While acknowledging the existence of other highly caffeinated and sugar injected lemon-lime thirst quenchers, our Mountain Dew and Mello Yello simply have nothin’ on this stuff (so the addicts say). I’ve heard it mixes well with Jack Daniels, allows you to stay up studying for three days without sleep, and cures cancer (although no claims have been proven). So, as a birthday present, I had a case of the stuff shipped out from Wisconsin. And because I made such a gesture I was allowed to taste the product of my intense google searches. To me it tastes like a sweeter (if you can believe it) and less carbonated Mountain Dew. Unfortunately for me, I said so. Immediately I was shunned by the group of Wisconsin-ites and I learned to never again speak of my true feelings towards the elixir.

Cut to a year later when I met Mr. Confederate. Early on in our relationship (so early he hadn’t yet seen me without makeup or with my hair in a ponytail) he mentioned something about missing home and especially missing a drink he could get in Tennessee. So for the second time in as many years I was subjected to a monologue on the virtues of the drink of the gods – also known as SunDrop. This time however, my heart began to race. I’d already wooed Corey with my lasagna, banana bread, and inside-out German chocolate cake, but this would seal the deal for sure. I raced home to place my order and 72 hours (and $80 in shipping costs later) I approached his door with what felt like 100 pounds of aluminum cans under my arms.

To this day I’m convinced that is the exact moment he fell in love with me.

It has been a while since I’ve ordered the stuff – partly because it has approximately 800 calories per can and partly because I’m pretty sure I have the guy wrapped up (at least I’m honest), but I knew that when we traveled back to Tennessee for Thanksgiving he was sure to fall off the wagon once again. Sure enough, the first stop when we entered his parent’s house was the refrigerator. I had personally been worried about his digestion and this trip for months, mostly because they deep fry their butter in Tennessee before serving it. Little did I know the real culprit would come from a glass.

I’ll save you all the gory details but apparently the absence of a gall bladder does not affect the ability to digest deep fried chicken parts, pizza, nachos, cheeseburgers, macaroni and cheese, corn pie, fried turkey, French fries, country ham, or fried pie. SunDrop is however, completely indigestible. Order was not restored to the world until we reached a cruising altitude of 42,000 feet somewhere over Arkansas.

Let this be a warning to those of you who may be considering consuming the liquid crack. Back away from the can and instead have a glass of what the health freaks drink in Tennessee – sweet tea.