Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day One

An introduction seems quite silly since I'm quite certain that the limited audience that my blog entertains already knows me, but I'll play along.

I am Christina. Wife to Corey, mother to a one-year-old Beagador named Sprocket and a 29 week old incubating baby we like to call Peanut. I'm a mostly boring stay at home mom who likes to channel Betty Crocker and June Cleaver with a little bit of 80's Madonna thrown in just for spice.

The last picture I allowed to be taken of me was on our cruise when I was just five weeks pregnant, so you'll have to settle for that. Yes, people have demanded a plumped up version, and just as soon as I can find the energy to do my hair I will succumb to peer pressure. For now, settle for this:



This is in Roatan, Honduras and although that looks suspiciously like a baby bump I assure you that it is simply Clomid bloat. Just what every woman wants right before she goes on a cruise, right? Although there was a baby in there, she was the size of an apple seed so I can't blame the belly on her at all.

15 interesting facts could be a stretch, but I'll give it a go anyway:

- My thumbs are double jointed. So are my mom's. My Nana said it was a sign of fortune or something, but my Nana was known to make crap up.

- The boy and I collect magnets and those little squashed pennies wherever we go. We are almost as lame as stamp and/or spoon collectors, but not quite. Our refrigerator is already covered with many different cities and countries, but I hope that by the time the Peanut graduates high school the entire thing is blanketed.

- The boy is trying to talk me into writing a book and he almost has me convinced. None of you will ever read it though because it will be chick porn written under a terribly tacky nom de plume. Why? Because you can write that drivel while you're half asleep, editing is optional, and it makes good money.

- Growing up, I was the queen of sleeping in. Now, thanks to a noisy Beagador, a snoring husband, and a baby who is trying to disjoint my hips I am lucky to make it to dawn.

- I make the best inside-out German Chocolate Cake you've ever had. It's true. I'm not modest about this one.

- I hate chocolate. Really. It's just not good. I also hate meat. Because of these two aversions I have had zero cravings during pregnancy thus far.

- My wedding day was NOT the happiest day of my life. It was miserable. However, I have had thousands of happiest days with my darling husband so I wouldn't change it for anything.

- I yell at the television. It used to just be during sporting events, but now I do it all the time. Rachael Ray is a favorite victim of mine, as well as Sandra Lee, Oprah, the dumb contestants on Jeopardy, and anyone 'reading' the news.

- I haven't paid for any toiletries in at least two years. It really is amazing the degree to which Walgreens and CVS will pay you to take their merchandise. I still get embarrassed using coupons, but I can't help but grin when I walk away with a bag full of stuff that I just made two bucks to buy.

- Because of my frugality I have little patience or tolerance for people who claim to be broke and accept government and/or societal handouts when they're spending their money on things like cigarettes, alcohol, eating out and Target odds and ends. If you can't afford diapers you can't afford vodka.

- I humbly think my Beagador is the cutest thing that God ever made. Also, at some points in time I think he is the dumbest thing He ever made too. He's the Megan Fox of dogs.

- I have a bladder disease which prohibits me from drinking anything other than water and club soda. I miss coffee and diet coke, but the way I miss red wine and whiskey is on a whole different playing field. Sometimes I open the bottle of Jack in my freezer and just sniff it. You know, because that's not crazy at all.

- I think that those who don't vaccinate their children are irresponsible and inviting epidemics that the world hasn't known in decades. I also think that parents of children with egg allergies or immune deficiencies who are not able to vaccinate their children should be allowed to punch non-vaccinating hippies whenever they want.

- I think an epidural sounds lovely.

- I can't stop watching "Teen Mom" on MTV. I'm not exactly sure what their target demographic is, but judging by the Clearasil and Trojan commercials I'm guessing it's thirteen year old girls. Guess what? I don't care! Watching that oompa loompa Amber beat the crap out of her fiance/ex/boyfriend Gary is the stuff dreams are made of.

2 comments:

Webb said...

First off, I want to read your book. I don't care what it's about - I like your writing style, edited or not.

Secondly, Millie and I collect magnets too!!! We started when we got married (on our honeymoon in Disneyland). Our fridge isn't close to full, but we like what we have and we look forward to filling it.

I think I'm going to try and take your 30 day challenge, I've done a 30 day blog marathon before, but that was insanely intense and exhausting... I think this should be a little easier since there are topics - although, I may not be able to start for a week or so since we're too close to midterms right now.

Looking forward to your next 29 days!

Christina said...

We started our magnet collecting at Disneyland too!! The boy LOVES that place. He had never been before and I'm pretty sure he thinks they invented the Pirates ride just for him!

I'm looking forward to your 30 days if you do them!

And good luck on midterms!